I’d love you with purpose
Forehead kisses and collarbone caresses.. punctuations to my every intention
I’d give you my rib
I’d give you the last piece of food on my plate
I’d give up my hate for Oprah , Tyler Perry , and Steve Harvey
I’d give the title of wife to you .. I’d live .. Die … And come back to life .. For you
I’d pray to every God above and below.. To never give me freedom… From you
Some Fall in love … I’ve stumbled
That what I mistook for a misstep lead me to you
I dig your aura
The way you believed God ordered your every step
Been days since I’ve slept with anything but you on my mind
So I felt compelled to write a rhyme dedicated to your energy
The not so physical presence you fill a room with
Crackling .. Simmering beneath your surface
Ebbing .. Flowing .. Sowing seeds of everything the world needs
And I’m selfish
But it’s like trying to capture the sun
So I get as much as I can and let the rest bask in your glory
Do you miss it ?
The soft caress of a whispered “hey beautiful ” as it trickles from my lips to your ear
The tickle of my beard on your inner thigh
I miss you
Somewhere between case and aaron hall … Without the leather suits
Just enough to be noticeable
A déjà vu of desire ?
Nah that sounds like a late night movie on Cinemax
Not that I would know about those
Just a certain kind of day .. The way a word is pronounced .. Remind me that you aren’t around
Straining to hear a sound in a crowded room might describe the sensation best
We all came from the earth and will return to it … But here I am in a world where my complexion determines my worth
Some would deny me my pride … Willing to subsidize the act for a small fee
Label me angry for refusing to shuck and jive … I would rather die
Then have to ask for the privilege of living free
Which means stop staring when I’m in the break room eating chicken … It is delicious
But don’t be scared to ask questions … I will always educate the ignorant
Racism assumes the melanin determines my nature
Thinks the American dream should be given to me in fractions
If at all
Tries to make me fall for the hoodwink with buzz words like “urban”
I won’t be fooled
I won’t be cooled by ” you’re one of the good ones ”
I won’t let you believe that truths about me are universal to my people
I won’t turn down or be defined by my “blackness” because it makes you uncomfortable
What proof do you need?
3 forms of valid ID
Utility bills .. See my credit score ?
What if you’re what I’ve been waiting all my life for ?
You don’t know if it’s the time ?
What if the right time is just something people made up to sell watches ?
What if whenever I close my eyes I watch us building on eternity?
What if I found our owners manual and it turns out we just need a romantic tune up every couple years ?
What if you’re the cure to my fears .. And I’m supposed to take you twice daily with a meal ?
What if this is real ?
If this isn’t real .. Then everything must be fake
And if we’re in the matrix .. Why can’t I fly ?
What if I gathered a team .. traveled to the center of the earth .. Past the crust and mantle … And found ancient tablets that said we were made for each other ?
Ten reasons why listed at that..
Would you believe ?
Do I gotta send you a gagillion hallmark cards ?
make you a mixtape ?
Sing you a song ?
Write you a poem ?
I don’t desire a love worth dying for
I’d like the type of love big headed grandchildren want to bring to show and tell
A collection of memories worth singing in the car at extreme octaves … Windows down
I would endorse that love
Sell fitted hats and tshirts of that love
An infatuation full of electrolytes .. Poured over people at weddings perhaps
An endearment that would be researched .. Dissected .. And proven to be true
Overworked grad students will have to write papers on public displays of affection
A romance recommended by Oprahs book club and made into a film starring Tom hanks and Meg Ryan
I don’t desire a love worth dying for
I want a love to live for
A long life
I miss you
All the hair you left in my sink
The way you never seem to drink a full bottle of water
I know that’s not fair
It’s just something I can’t help
Really I can’t stand it
The way memories of your laugh make me feel weak
The temptation to text you every time I’m drunk
Every time I’m up late
Every other breath or so
Make me sick to my stomach
I don’t even want you back
Which may be the craziest part of it all
It’s just that I so rarely fall in love …That not having you in my life feels wrong
I miss you
I know that’s not fair to say
So I wrote this instead
“Said I was bait for her to master
Said I was bait for her to master”
Anything I needed I could ask her
Talk about the future … Can’t get past her
Never thought there would ever be an after
“forever moves faster”
Now I can’t listen to my favorite songs
Or go to my favorite places
Her face it appears in every location
Smile chasing my happiness
Like a specter in a haunted home
Even though I’m alone
I can’t shake it
What’s worse ?
I don’t want to
Cause memories are all I have left
Faithful to a figment of my imagination
To a love I couldn’t be faithful to when it was mine
I was gonna get right back
Gave em a little time
She was where I wanted to be at
Now I shed tears between a b a formats
Is she listening ?
Hey woman are you listening ?
I miss you baby
She gave me the opportunity to live
Put me in the position to succeed
Stayed with a man she didn’t love … So I wouldn’t be fatherless
She read to me
From the bible books of psalms and the berenstain bears
When I stayed out to late … She’d come find me
She told me to always hold doors .. Walk between the street and a lady
Be honest with a woman if you care
Hug me before beating me like Kunta
I wish I never taught her how to text message
I wish I savored more of our talks around the kitchen table
I wish I was more of the man she raised me to be
I coulda been great
"If you are afraid to die, more than likely, its cause you haven’t lived"-Casper Barfield
"You’ve got cancer" said the Doctor
"First time I’ve felt this good in a while" muttered Casper
He got out of bed
Did some push ups
Just like every other morning since he was ten
The age when the guys attached his life long nickname
Originally, he was mad
Figured that anyone making fun of him would pay for the laughter with a bloody nose
After all, everyone played in the abandoned house on hortter street.
How was he sposed to know Crazy Old Ezekiel was spending the night there.
Casper, when suprised by Ezekiel, turned white as a certain friendly ghost.
Eventually though, “Casper” fit like it was tailor made.
"Good times" chuckled Casper at the memory
He took a shower
Cooked two eggs and grits
He ate his last meal slowly
Savoring his bites as if they were his mother’s home cooking.
Casper dressed in his nicest black suit.
He pulled his last will and testament from the nightstand.
Conspiciously, Noni Childs recieved everything.
Next he removed a bottle of pills
Casper unscrewed the cap and down half the bottle.
And closed his eyes
It had been a year since the Doctor’s diagnosis.
Six months since Sara’s death.
An excerpt from the last will and testament of Casper Barfield
"They say that amputee victims sometimes dream of their lost limbs.
Waking to find themselves still missing parts of them. Every morning I have to arise to the torture of missing my better half.
I would not wish that pain on my worst enemy. Still even in the day I find myself expecting to see my love walk through the door. Ready to ask “How was your day?”.
Instead I recieve nothing but silence. I’ve done enough in my life to know that the only thing I would be missing by continuing to live…..is her. “